🔗 Share this article Balancing my Desire for Casual Encounters While Seeking a Meaningful Relationship Being a homosexual male approaching 50, my life has involved numerous, largely pleasurable years pursuing casual sex with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I was in a serious relationship that lasted four years, but it never fully satisfied me, in that I didn't experience love or sexually nourished. The fact is that I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Every time I start to date any man, once the newness fades, I always get the urge to be intimate with other men again. Questioning the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to sustain a monogamous relationship. I understand that many gay men have open relationships, but when I’ve witnessed them, they appear demanding, often causing significant pain and jealousy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I want a partner to care for me while letting me pursue other intimacies, but I dread to imagine the psychological toll this would cause. Should I just continue to have casual sex and accept that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I feel a bit lost. Each individual's sexual journey varies. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your ability to tolerate different types of sexual unions in a finite way. What you need in your current state could easily shift in the future; at a certain time you might become less ambivalent and discover some clarity and a suitable route … or perhaps not. One day you could encounter a person offering a transformative opportunity for you by reflecting your desires completely … and later on you may choose that casual connections are best for you. Fretting over the future and engaging in the “What if?” game is merely rooted in fear and a waste of your efforts. Try to be in the moment in your relationships, and see the worth of every individual with whom you might have a sexual connection. If and when you are ever ready to strengthen true intimacy with a single person, it will be clear. Pamela Stephenson Connolly practices as a US-based therapy professional focusing on treating intimacy issues.