🔗 Share this article These Advice given by My Dad That Helped Us during my time as a New Parent "I think I was merely in survival mode for the first year." Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood. Yet the truth quickly proved to be "completely different" to what he pictured. Life-threatening health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their newborn son Leo. "I was doing each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated. After 11 months he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help. The simple words "You are not in a healthy space. You need some help. In what way can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and find a way back. His story is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While society is now more comfortable addressing the pressure on mothers and about PND, far less attention is paid about the difficulties dads go through. Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help Ryan feels his difficulties are linked to a wider reluctance to communicate between men, who continue to internalise negative ideas of manhood. Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and remains standing every time." "It is not a show of failure to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he explains. Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're having a hard time. They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the unit. Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the space to ask for a respite - spending a short trip abroad, outside of the family home, to see things clearly. He understood he had to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotions as well as the practical tasks of taking care of a infant. When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out. Reparenting yourself' That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad. He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures. Ryan thinks these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices. The idea of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old. As a child Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, deep-held emotional pain caused his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their relationship. Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "poor actions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the pain. "You turn to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem." Advice for Getting By as a New Dad Open up to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, speak to a friend, your spouse or a counsellor how you're feeling. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported. Keep up your interests - continue with the things that helped you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. It could be going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming. Look after the physical stuff - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is faring. Meet other new dads - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things. Remember that requesting help isn't failing - taking care of yourself is the optimal method you can support your household. When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for a long time. Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead provide the security and emotional support he did not receive. When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - expressing the frustrations in a healthy way. Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they confronted their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their sons. "I'm better… dealing with things and managing things," states Stephen. "I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you on life, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are in this journey."
"I think I was merely in survival mode for the first year." Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood. Yet the truth quickly proved to be "completely different" to what he pictured. Life-threatening health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their newborn son Leo. "I was doing each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated. After 11 months he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help. The simple words "You are not in a healthy space. You need some help. In what way can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and find a way back. His story is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While society is now more comfortable addressing the pressure on mothers and about PND, far less attention is paid about the difficulties dads go through. Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help Ryan feels his difficulties are linked to a wider reluctance to communicate between men, who continue to internalise negative ideas of manhood. Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and remains standing every time." "It is not a show of failure to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he explains. Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're having a hard time. They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the unit. Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the space to ask for a respite - spending a short trip abroad, outside of the family home, to see things clearly. He understood he had to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotions as well as the practical tasks of taking care of a infant. When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out. Reparenting yourself' That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad. He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures. Ryan thinks these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices. The idea of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old. As a child Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, deep-held emotional pain caused his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their relationship. Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "poor actions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the pain. "You turn to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem." Advice for Getting By as a New Dad Open up to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, speak to a friend, your spouse or a counsellor how you're feeling. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported. Keep up your interests - continue with the things that helped you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. It could be going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming. Look after the physical stuff - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is faring. Meet other new dads - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things. Remember that requesting help isn't failing - taking care of yourself is the optimal method you can support your household. When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for a long time. Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead provide the security and emotional support he did not receive. When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - expressing the frustrations in a healthy way. Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they confronted their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their sons. "I'm better… dealing with things and managing things," states Stephen. "I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you on life, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are in this journey."